This song became popular around August 2012. I remember when it became popular, but it was the song that came on the radio the day that I had my first miscarriage. I had piled Blake into my car and drove the 45 minute drive from Glendale out to my OB office in Gilbert when I started spotting. This song has some very powerful words in it. But the line that stuck with me was as follows:
The sun comes up
It's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass
And whatever lies before me
Let me be singing
When the evening comes
I knew that no matter the outcome of that appointment, I wanted to be singing God's praises when the evening came. We began singing this song at church, and there has not been one time that this song has been sung that I have not been drawn to that day that we lost our baby. We even sang this very song two days later in church as tears fell down my cheeks.
I am not sure why people keep miscarriage a secret and why people do not share in it. It is nothing to be ashamed about and something that I don't want to keep secret. God is the author of life. He will give and He will take away. And those 8 weeks that I got to keep that baby were the exact amount of time that God had planned for that baby. And let's be honest: that baby is far better than I am right now, because that baby is with God in heaven experiencing no pain and forever with a God who loves him or her more than I ever could on earth.
This blog has become a sort of "therapy" for me. A journal of some sort. A way to type out my emotions and my thoughts and to praise and cry with God along the way. As I sit here at Starbucks tonight, it's 9:21pm and my boys are in bed while my loving husband is at home with them probably watching a movie. I sit in here with a few tears in my eyes as I am emotionally drained. And I tell God that. He knows. I am very real with God. After all, He knows my heart and my emotions and I was encouraged to be real with God. I have been real with Him about my journey with Blake and He has met me where I am: broken and completely dependent on Him.
And He continues to meet me. He has met me more recently with my second miscarriage. We lost our second baby almost 2 weeks ago. And although we only knew for a couple weeks, it was still devastating to me. I questioned God. I questioned why He would allow me to go through this again. And again, I am reminded that God had this all planned out. It was a blessing to carry that child for such a short time, and he or she is far better off than I am. He or she is with God already.
We sang 10,000 Reasons in church the Sunday before I miscarried. I tried to not fear another miscarriage. But that fear came and it lingered with me. Sure enough, we lost the baby. But I almost knew it was coming and that God was giving me this song to remind me to keep on singing when the evening comes. And so tonight, this evening, I am singing. Not out loud. But my heart is singing in this Starbucks as I continually am broken and forced to pour my heart out to a God who is in COMPLETE control.
That is the only comfort I have. God is in control and loves me. And I have 10,000 reasons to praise Him.
I am not sure why people keep miscarriage a secret and why people do not share in it. It is nothing to be ashamed about and something that I don't want to keep secret. God is the author of life. He will give and He will take away. And those 8 weeks that I got to keep that baby were the exact amount of time that God had planned for that baby. And let's be honest: that baby is far better than I am right now, because that baby is with God in heaven experiencing no pain and forever with a God who loves him or her more than I ever could on earth.
This blog has become a sort of "therapy" for me. A journal of some sort. A way to type out my emotions and my thoughts and to praise and cry with God along the way. As I sit here at Starbucks tonight, it's 9:21pm and my boys are in bed while my loving husband is at home with them probably watching a movie. I sit in here with a few tears in my eyes as I am emotionally drained. And I tell God that. He knows. I am very real with God. After all, He knows my heart and my emotions and I was encouraged to be real with God. I have been real with Him about my journey with Blake and He has met me where I am: broken and completely dependent on Him.
And He continues to meet me. He has met me more recently with my second miscarriage. We lost our second baby almost 2 weeks ago. And although we only knew for a couple weeks, it was still devastating to me. I questioned God. I questioned why He would allow me to go through this again. And again, I am reminded that God had this all planned out. It was a blessing to carry that child for such a short time, and he or she is far better off than I am. He or she is with God already.
We sang 10,000 Reasons in church the Sunday before I miscarried. I tried to not fear another miscarriage. But that fear came and it lingered with me. Sure enough, we lost the baby. But I almost knew it was coming and that God was giving me this song to remind me to keep on singing when the evening comes. And so tonight, this evening, I am singing. Not out loud. But my heart is singing in this Starbucks as I continually am broken and forced to pour my heart out to a God who is in COMPLETE control.
That is the only comfort I have. God is in control and loves me. And I have 10,000 reasons to praise Him.
I Love this post!! What a beautiful song it is and the reminders it provides for the even more beautiful reasons to praise God! They should never stop...as there will never stop being reasons to sing praises to His name!
ReplyDeleteI agree about the not keeping a miscarriage a secret, you did nothing wrong. I am proud of you for realizing that and telling it and making it apart of the beautiful story that God is writing for your family. And plus, God can use others who have been there before to be of an encouragement for you now and He can use you in others lives in the future who experience the same mournful lost. The body of Christ is supposed to be there for one another and they can't be if they don't know! And in most cases, usually people wish they knew so they could be a source of encouragement and love to those in their time of need!
Keep up the writing! God is at work in your life, you are growing and it is a testament to the wondrous works that God is doing behind the senses. Keep recognizing them and keep singing!
Love you!
Thank you friend for your comment! I love you so much! I am trying to sing... some days are hard... but I am singing. xoxox
DeleteWhen you told me you had lost a baby for the 2nd time, my heart sunk. Not that I expected a phone call or a guess what! But that you and Matt had to endure a loss, again. It is important to let people know, so they can pray for you. So that you can hear from others, that you are not alone. You are not alone, because you have friends who have walked that same path, and lost their babies too. You are not alone, because God is always there. He is everywhere. You are loved, and you are not alone. Ever. - Sarah
ReplyDeleteJenn - beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your heart! You and your family have been through a lot recently and we have been keeping you in our prayers. But, I agree with Ally... you seem to be growing so close to God and in extreme increased faith in God's sovereignty. Sometimes, the trials and the storms draw us to God the most. And I see you moving in that great direction rather than withdrawing and you will be a better person, Christian, witness, wife, and mother because of it! So, I encourage you to keep doing what you are doing... especially in the trials because I can see you growing and learning and I know that I and many others are learning and being encouraged from it!
ReplyDelete