Ross Baby #6!

It has been a while since I have posted anything on here, for a couple reasons. First being our busy schedule just getting the best of us. Our week is packed with school and therapies amongst other things! I am praising and thanking God that a routine has been established and we have all adjusted well! This was our October calendar- I have never been a physical calendar person until this year when it has become a necessity! 

Second, I haven't posted too much because there really isn't too much to post. There will never be a post regarding Blake in the near future where I can confidently say, "He has outgrown it all!" Unless God chooses to do that, which we pray for of course. But these past few months have given me a peace I have never experienced in this area before and one I am truly thankful for. What I can say is that Blake is continually to make more and more progress by the day! He is doing fantastic in his therapy sessions and in preschool. We are working on socially interacting appropriately, giving correct responses, reading emotions, planning, categorization, sequencing, and becoming more flexible in nature. It is just something that has become so routine. And these things no longer stand out to me as these impossible things to overcome because we already have seen GREAT progress. Blake is perfectly made to be exactly the way God wants him to be and he is such a sweetheart. He works so hard day in and day out to learn these things. God has given us much grace and His mercies are new every morning to tackle these things we have been given. I have a confidence that he will overcome these issues in the future because he already is so "mild" with whatever he has - and who knows exactly with the ever-changing diagnosis game and criteria. We don't need a label and we are very thankful label's don't define us as people. The only label I want following him around in his life is "Christian" and I pray for his heart everyday. We have seen him begin to understand a little more about God and Jesus and we are thankful for that. That is our ultimate goal for our sweet son! With the being said, please continue to pray for him and for our family. There are still days filled with many battles as we teach things so directly over and over and over again.... and then again. And again. Some days can be quite overwhelming, but God has been SO faithful this year with so much successes already. Praise be to God ALONE! 

The third reason for being behind is that I have been so tired from carrying our 6th baby, and Lord willing, our 3rd baby we will get to hold in this life time! We found out we were pregnant on October 4th while we were in Pinetop. It was very exciting and we were pleasantly surprised! My pregnancy tests I took at home got darker so much more quickly than with my miscarriages which was comforting and exciting to see. 

 This pregnancy has given my crazy food craving and aversions already. Pretty much all protein sounds disgusting which has been hard since that comprised over half my diet before. Even most healthy foods I had to literally get out of the house - and I'm talking about things I used to LOVE. Its been so crazy and different. But who doesn't want an excuse to eat a Pumpkin Pie blizzard by your fire pit with your hubby because "baby" wanted it? ;) 

And this pickle and ranch combo that was a hit at first is now a NEVER AGAIN thing. 

I sent this picture to Matt one morning that I spent in our bathroom. For a few weeks I was very nauseous and tired and even threw up. This was super rough just with having to be out of the house every day multiple times. Thankfully I am feeling very well now at 9.5 weeks! 

 Oh coffee how I miss you... maybe I will love you again soon. Don't forget about me. 

We got to see our baby at 6.5 weeks which was just SO amazing and wonderful. I was so worried when they did the initial ultrasound because I didn't know what they were looking for and they weren't talking much and i couldn't see anything that looked like a baby. They took all the measurements for the ovaries first so it was good those were empty! :) But at one point the tech asked, "Are you experiencing pain on your left side?" and I said yes which made me a little nervous, but apparently I just had a small cyst on my left ovary which can be common. We eventually did see our baby and my eyes immediately filled with tears and I covered my face to stop crying when I heard the heartbeat. SO amazing after longing to hear that 3 times before and never having the opportunity. We go again on November 30 at 11.5 weeks for another ultrasound. We can not wait! :) And I can't wait to meet this baby, Lord willing, on June 16, 2016! 

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow! 

Brownies and Donuts

My 2 musicians. I wouldn't be surprised if Blake ended up being a musician when he grew up. He LOVES to play the air drums, guitar, trumpet, violin.... you name it. He loves to sing all of the time too. It's sweet. 

Our Santa beard! 

Donut Run with two cuties! 

Kade got to make brownies with us for the first time. It was quite the experience and was a lot more messy than usual! :) 

Of course he loved the best part: licking the brownie batter! 

Blake found a strainer in the cabinet and told me he was catching bugs with his net. My kitchen supplies are used for many things these days...

Love these two boys oh so much! They are constantly at each other's side. When Kade naps, Blake just doesn't seem to be himself. He asks if he can go wake Kade up. I love it so much. 

Praise upon Praise

I feel my son has turned ANOTHER corner.... his learning is just growing by the day.

Blake is...

-talking to us about things that he has just done without our asking.

-talking with Kade as they interact together. Kade is finally getting to the age where they choose to be with each other when possible.

-using his imagination to make things other objects and see different things in other objects. 

-continually tying his experiences back to something he knows or a prior experience. "It's like..." and "Remember when..." are common phrases we hear all the time now!

-beginning to make inferences on why things are happening. He is not always correct, but this is new and a positive.

-wanting to make sure we are listening. "Stop that and hear me." 

-has mastered climbing in and out of Kade's crib on his own! Ha! 

-wanting to help with many more things on his own initiative. "Can I help you?!" Love those words!

-playing with Kade and taking turns instead of trying to take everything on his.

-playing with more imagination! He still imagines the same things, but he has a desire for make believe. As I write this he was grocery shopping and asked me for a bag for his carrots and his peas. 

-riding his bike around the house like a mad man! His coordination is fantastic.

-asking more and more questions.

-loving preschool from what we can tell, and from the glimpses I can see from the window and the report from the teacher.

My counselor teaches childhood psychology to Master students. I have found her very helpful. She has a lot of information and I believe God brought her into my life for a reason. Blake follows a borderline for a high-functioning autism diagnosis (at least in my eyes... maybe that is why I am in counseling? ha). Although not one therapist believes he truly has it, my counselor has been helping me see what is typical 3 year old behavior. She also said the type of interaction he already shows and expresses with others keeps him off the spectrum and that he couldn't be placed on it because of that. For a kid who has never struggled with eye contact one day in his life or being with others, that was encouraging to hear and something I know to be true of him. They say his lack of talking keeps him from socially interacting in a way that kids his age have the capability of doing.

" I have had more of a peace about his overall diagnosis which is pretty much one of they have no clue. But his official one of "Communication Disorder" and "Developmental Delay" seems to be more and more true as the last 6 months have played out. And the projected time frame of 5.5 years old for being fully caught up (2 years from now) seems almost reachable for the first time. Of course, that being said, only through the grace and work of Christ in Blake's life. Blake's successes are owed to God answering lots of prayers and displaying His power in Blake. 

Along with 4 days of speech therapy, 1 day of music therapy,  and 2 days of preschool, we also give Blake a highly antioxidant supplement, a high-quality probiotic, and use an essential oil blend every day. There have been lots of theories out there that connect the gut and the brain. I feel I have seen such a huge impact since introducing a probiotic, but i don't believe we will ever be able to pinpoint the exact thing helping those leaps other than GOD'S hand. We also have taken him gluten free for 90% of his diet. We don't control what is outside the house for now, but everything in our house is gluten free for him as well as for Matt. 

Thank you for your prayers friends. It has been a journey and a struggle at that. God is continually revealing my lack of trust, my fear, and my lack of patience on a daily basis. I pray God will use all these trials to help conform me more into Christ's image and to be an encouragement to others around me. I pray so deeply that we will get past this and I can use my experiences to encourage other moms going through this in the future. I try not to make it this "Well God, you heal my son and I will be used by you in the future" thing. Regardless of the outcome, I pray God uses me for His glory. 

Friends, what would we do without Christ? He is my hope. He is my Rock. His Word brings comfort.

"But Moses said to the LORD, ‘O my LORD, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.’ Then the LORD said to him, ‘Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?’” - Exodus 4:10-11

I pray God uses Blake in such a huge way like He used Moses. God doesn't choose just those who are eloquent in speech. God made the mouth and He can make man use it. GOD PLEASE DO THAT IN BLAKE! 

Family Pics 2015

We were able to take some family pictures again this summer while in MN - thanks to my sister-in-law Erica! Blake did fantastic and was SUPER cooperative which was a blessing. Kade, on the other hand, wasn't so excited to sit still for some good pictures. Hence the very few pics we have of him truly smiling. Candy did help bring out the smiles! 

God has given me the perfect husband and the perfect kids for me. I wouldn't trade any of them for the world! 

Forest Lakes 2015

Our weekend trip to Forest Lakes this summer was an absolute blast. The second we got to the cabin, Blake was attached to his Opa! They immediately went to the garden where Opa showed him some different vegetables! (Opa pretended to pick this watermelon but he had actually bought it from the local store and put it under the bush for Blake to see! Ha!)

We took many golf cart rides around the block. Here Kade and I are cuddling in the back on our way to pick some eggs from someone who has chickens. Blake broke a couple as he threw them into the basket. He always cracks his hard boiled eggs at home, so he didn't realize he needed to be careful. I should have warned him! 

Blake shocked me with how well he played with these little people-animals and tree house. I have never seen his imagination so great. Its coming! 

Leave it to Kade to find the little blue rocks! Both boys enjoyed finding and playing with there. Blake even had 5 of them in his bed at night one evening. 

We went mushroom hunting in the forest during Kade's nap one afternoon. Blake kept looking for sticks and was excited to show us the ones he would find which were ALL OVER! It was cute though! 

Blake and I shared a bed - for the first time! I never knew he was such a wiggle worm and even talked in his sleep. So crazy for a kid who is in speech therapy. Love this little guy. In this picture, he looked at me, turned around and snuggled closer. 

On the way home, we stopped by the Forest Lakes Fire Department and the boys got to see the fire trucks and ambulances. Blake loves these right now. We look for them as we drive all of the time. He was so intent on me when I was explaining what everything did. Wish we could have heard what he thought of it all, but we are learning that those thoughts may be a while in coming. We are learning to appreciate what he does share, even how small it may seem to most people. 

We loved our cabin trip and our Omi and Opa! Kade got to know them even better and we had such a memorable weekend! :) We love you, Omi and Opa! Thanks for being the best great-grandparents to my boys! They love you! 

Welcome to Holland

Kamille shared this with me at our latest coffee date. I am thankful for a friend who gets it... a friend who is walking in Holland with me. We both pray we get to Italy some day, but right now, we are stuck in Holland. And I am beginning and trying to learn how to not only adapt to Holland but to enjoy the day to day life - a life so different than I had imagined. Please take a read!

Welcome to Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this…

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland. 

Written by Emily Perl Kingsley 

Blessings & Smiles

1. Someone in Blake's 3s class at church told one of the leaders that Blake has come such a long way in 4 months. I mentioned he used to cry and hate going to class. We were told that he is now one of the most behaved children in class. And get this - he even offered to pray for his class and did so for snack! Just another evidence of God's grace in this little boy's life. 

He sits so well in church with us before he is dismissed to go to class. He LOVES singing the songs and you can often find him playing the air drums and the air guitars during worship time. We have many people come up and tell us how awesome he is and think his air drumming is pretty darn cool. I'm thankful for a church that has wrapped their arms around our family. When I tend to get frustrated that he is drawing attention to himself and his love for music, others look at it and smile. Yesterday he tried singing every song with us which was very sweet as well. I believe he will either be an engineer or a musician when he grows up. He loves instruments so so so much and will take his toys at home and pretend they are different instruments. 

2. This may be my favorite one yet. On Saturday night we had some family friends over for dinner and Blake played like a champ with them. It does my heart so much good to see how social he is and how he tags along wherever the kids go and participates when he knows how. This is a HUGE indicator of his prognosis and is something all the therapists say is so key to why they believe his prognosis is so good. He desires other people. He desires to be around others. He is so observant. Even when not participating, he can be found watching what they are doing. Of course it may not be how I want my child to interact - but it gives me hope for the future! He also learned to ride his tricycle all around our house. Another 3 year old milestone he has again met. 

It's funny I started that paragraph and went off on something completely different. What I was leading up to was the point that he was so worn out from playing with the kids that he actually fell asleep while I cuddled him in his bed and sang him his goodnight song. He has never fallen asleep while I have sang to him. As I was getting off his squeaky bed, he opened up his eyes and told me, "I love you!" with a sleepy voice and sleepy eyes. I told him I loved him so much and he told me again, "I love you, Mommy" before he laid his head back down and went to sleep. This was one of the first times that he told me on his own initiative that he loved me. This is another evidence of God's grace and giving me a healing for my heart as I had just cried to my mom not even two days before telling her how I longed for my little boy to tell me those words on his own accord. Boy do I love my son. 

3. Last, I want to share to share some lyrics from a song that I feel has been a life song for me. I think that this song must have been written for me. Music has always been such a healing, powerful thing in my life. Perhaps Blake gets his love from his mommy. 

This song is called "Blessings" by Laura Story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ 

We pray for blessings. We pray for peace, comfort, for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering. And all the while you hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us lesser things. 

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a 1000 sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near? And what if trials of this life are your mercies in your disguise?

We pray for wisdom, your voice to hear. And we cry in anger when we can not feel you near. We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love as if every promise from your Word is not enough. And all the while you hear each desperate plea if only we would have faith to believe.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? And what if a 1000 sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near? And what if trials of this life are your mercies in your disguise?

When friends betray us. When darkness seems to win we know the pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our home. It's not our home. 

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise? 

It's hard to see why we go through trials. A smart friend of mine said sometimes it makes it easier just acknowledging that you are indeed going through a trial. I am going through fire but I know God will bring me through it on the other side. He is teaching me so much about myself in this journey and I hope I shine more like Christ to those around me. I don't handle every part of this in the correct way, but I pray more and more of my sinful heart dies in this process as I lean on God and live a life of TRUST. My biggest struggle is living what I know. The longest journey you could ever take is from your head to your heart. Knowing and living are two vastly different things and I have never had to live my faith in this way ever in my life before. But as this song says, God loves me way too much to give me lesser things. He loves me far too much to give me anything but the life He has chosen for me. It is perfectly designed for me and my heart. 

Ultimately Matt told me something that is so true and one that has helped shift my thinking. At the end of the day if Blake doesn't fit into this world, it is not a big deal. Our goal is not to fit into this world but to have a heart that loves God. As long as Blake loves the Lord with all his heart, nothing else matters. Nothing.