Blessings & Smiles

1. Someone in Blake's 3s class at church told one of the leaders that Blake has come such a long way in 4 months. I mentioned he used to cry and hate going to class. We were told that he is now one of the most behaved children in class. And get this - he even offered to pray for his class and did so for snack! Just another evidence of God's grace in this little boy's life. 

He sits so well in church with us before he is dismissed to go to class. He LOVES singing the songs and you can often find him playing the air drums and the air guitars during worship time. We have many people come up and tell us how awesome he is and think his air drumming is pretty darn cool. I'm thankful for a church that has wrapped their arms around our family. When I tend to get frustrated that he is drawing attention to himself and his love for music, others look at it and smile. Yesterday he tried singing every song with us which was very sweet as well. I believe he will either be an engineer or a musician when he grows up. He loves instruments so so so much and will take his toys at home and pretend they are different instruments. 

2. This may be my favorite one yet. On Saturday night we had some family friends over for dinner and Blake played like a champ with them. It does my heart so much good to see how social he is and how he tags along wherever the kids go and participates when he knows how. This is a HUGE indicator of his prognosis and is something all the therapists say is so key to why they believe his prognosis is so good. He desires other people. He desires to be around others. He is so observant. Even when not participating, he can be found watching what they are doing. Of course it may not be how I want my child to interact - but it gives me hope for the future! He also learned to ride his tricycle all around our house. Another 3 year old milestone he has again met. 

It's funny I started that paragraph and went off on something completely different. What I was leading up to was the point that he was so worn out from playing with the kids that he actually fell asleep while I cuddled him in his bed and sang him his goodnight song. He has never fallen asleep while I have sang to him. As I was getting off his squeaky bed, he opened up his eyes and told me, "I love you!" with a sleepy voice and sleepy eyes. I told him I loved him so much and he told me again, "I love you, Mommy" before he laid his head back down and went to sleep. This was one of the first times that he told me on his own initiative that he loved me. This is another evidence of God's grace and giving me a healing for my heart as I had just cried to my mom not even two days before telling her how I longed for my little boy to tell me those words on his own accord. Boy do I love my son. 

3. Last, I want to share to share some lyrics from a song that I feel has been a life song for me. I think that this song must have been written for me. Music has always been such a healing, powerful thing in my life. Perhaps Blake gets his love from his mommy. 

This song is called "Blessings" by Laura Story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ 

We pray for blessings. We pray for peace, comfort, for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering. And all the while you hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us lesser things. 

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a 1000 sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near? And what if trials of this life are your mercies in your disguise?

We pray for wisdom, your voice to hear. And we cry in anger when we can not feel you near. We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love as if every promise from your Word is not enough. And all the while you hear each desperate plea if only we would have faith to believe.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? And what if a 1000 sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near? And what if trials of this life are your mercies in your disguise?

When friends betray us. When darkness seems to win we know the pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our home. It's not our home. 

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise? 

It's hard to see why we go through trials. A smart friend of mine said sometimes it makes it easier just acknowledging that you are indeed going through a trial. I am going through fire but I know God will bring me through it on the other side. He is teaching me so much about myself in this journey and I hope I shine more like Christ to those around me. I don't handle every part of this in the correct way, but I pray more and more of my sinful heart dies in this process as I lean on God and live a life of TRUST. My biggest struggle is living what I know. The longest journey you could ever take is from your head to your heart. Knowing and living are two vastly different things and I have never had to live my faith in this way ever in my life before. But as this song says, God loves me way too much to give me lesser things. He loves me far too much to give me anything but the life He has chosen for me. It is perfectly designed for me and my heart. 

Ultimately Matt told me something that is so true and one that has helped shift my thinking. At the end of the day if Blake doesn't fit into this world, it is not a big deal. Our goal is not to fit into this world but to have a heart that loves God. As long as Blake loves the Lord with all his heart, nothing else matters. Nothing.